Burning The Darkness
by Nyxelestia
Summary: Merlin left Ealdor for a reason. And that reason's back, in Camelot. Now he has to hide his past and save the prat, er, prince, while hiding the truth behind his fears. His growing magic isn't helping, either. Merlin/Arthur, spoilers for all of season 1.
1. Prologue

_**Prologue**_

**A/N:**Merlin took over my brain. And it's all Arithilim and Jusmine's fault. *glare* But, good for you, as you now have fic! So, quite dark, and rating is for later chapters, but please, enjoy. Hurrah! And a bottle over the head! ^_^ So, prologue is set pre-show, but the rest of the story is set after it.

**Thanks goes to _Jusmine_ for the awesome beta job.  
**

**Summary: **Merlin pushed away a dark past when he came to Camelot. Now it's back, in Camelot, with raging hunger and even stronger lust – and focused in on Merlin. M for later chapters. Eventual Merlin/Arthur. Warnings through entire first season.**  
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* * *

Hunith tended to the small fire with worry as she waited for Merlin to return, hating what he was doing, and despising the fact she couldn't really do anything about it.

They were so desperate. She looked out the window towards their failing crops with worry sighed. All his gifts, and they were still in this situation.

She heard dragging footsteps outside, and immediately got up, opening the meager door, and gasping.

"Merlin?"

"Hello, Mother," he mumbled, stumbling inside, which let Hunith see all the more clearly – and nearly cry, too.

Merlin's clothes were all torn up, his jacket nearly hanging off his shoulders than his arms, and his shirt just rags. He had a scrape along his right brow and jaw, and a bruise on the same eye, and the other jaw line. She could see black and blue, and red, on his chest and legs through the torn rags which had once been his clothes.

Her boy set a bag down on the table, opening it, and tipping it up. Several handfuls of different coins fell out and clattered to the table.

"Don't cry, Mother," he said, and she smiled, barely holding back tears. She knew he could sometimes sense emotions with his magic, and yet it never disturbed her as much as she thought it should.

"You're my baby, and you're being hurt," she said by way of explanation, wrapping her arms around him carefully.

"I'm not a baby, Mother," Merlin said, but eased into her gentle embrace, before wincing and pushing away, and sitting down on the stool, quickly dividing up the money.

"This is for Will…for Angus and Coleen…for the healer…and this is for Dara and her daughter…" he pushed aside the last, and of course equal, portion. "And this is for us."

She sighed. "I'll go give these off…and I will take some of our's to the healer, and get something for your wounds."

"They are not _wounds_, Mother, merely…minor injuries," he said.

She sighed, her breath shaking. "And I know where they came from, Merlin."

Merlin shut his eyes. She knew that he'd done his best to hide it, but she'd found out quickly enough. And he did his best to brush it off, now, but he was _her_ baby, and it hurt every time.

"Mother…please…just give out the money. Quietly, please. I can take care of myself – I have enough healing balm for tonight."

She nodded, and sighed, remembering the amounts and portions, before putting them all into the bag and quietly slipping out, letting Merlin attend to himself in privacy.

Merlin, for his part, sighed in relief when she left, pulling off his shirt and fighting the urge to cringe away from himself. There were some things he had to take care of before his mother got back.

For one thing, he pulled out the other, smaller amount of money – another portion of it from the bag, much smaller but still held back – and quickly crawled over to the corner of their hut. Using his magic, he moved the small table to the side, and the corner of the floor underneath peeled away, some of the dirt floating in the air as he pulled out a small box. Opening it quickly, he dumped in just a few coins – it wasn't much he'd held back, but he had a lot of savings in this box. If something ever happened to him, his mother would be all right.

As soon as that was finished, he put everything back. It would take a normal person some physical strength and a shovel to find it – which was why no one would suspect _Merlin_ of putting it there. He was fast and nimble, but never quite 'strong'.

Done with that, he went back towards where he discarded his shirt, and set to cleaning himself so's to worry his mother just a little less.

For his torso, he grabbed a bowl of water, though cold, and a rag, and quickly cleaned off as much blood as he could.

He also peeled off the candle wax, which hurt incredibly, but he couldn't just reveal to his mother that he was covered in candle wax because of Lord Cain's perversions.

At last, he was clean. He still looked horrible, but at least that part was taken care of. He pulled the torn shirt on, quickly, not wanting to become completely nude just yet.

It was a little hard, peeling off his trousers and underclothes, but he managed, wincing at the sight he made in the firelight.

Various dried up fluids crusted over his lower body. Tonight, he'd only had to serve Lord Cain, Lady Eurys, and two other raunchy men – men who had the blood and the money to be knights, but not the skill. However, that still left quite a bit of his legs, especially inside his thighs, disgustingly crusted over. Unfortunately, his hips and waist were also victims of this abuse and perversion.

He winced – these areas were also the most heavily bruised areas – and quickly set about cleaning himself off, hating himself and what he did in desperation all the while.

Luckily, it didn't take too long to finish, and as soon as he did, he pulled his trousers back on, before pulling off his shirt, again – now that he was more presentable, relatively speaking – and stood up, pulling out the clay jar of healing ointment.

He knew it worked well – the recipe was from his uncle, who was the court physician off in Camelot – and it was a bit of a 'heal all' ointment. But it also worked alarmingly well with his magic – he could make his healing faster, if he put his mind to it.

Upside: he could get better much faster, usually by morning, or midday or so.

Downside: this made him available to work more knights out in that damned tavern.

But, quite frankly, they needed the money. _Desperately_. He'd put up with Lord Cain if need be, to feed himself and the few other families close to himself and his mother.

He pushed the magic, feeling it pulse in his fingertips as he applied the balm, and it was still tingling long after his touch left wherever he put the balm.

"Merlin?"

His head snapped up to see Will in the doorway, before someone pushed him from outside – his mother.

Both Will and his mother looked extraordinarily sympathetic and hurt as they took in the sight of Merlin by the fire, tending to himself.

Not like he wasn't used to it, when both his mother and Will were called away for village duties.

And looks on their faces also made him incredibly glad that he'd cleaned himself up.

"You don't have to do that, Merlin," his mother said immediately, falling to her knees beside him and immediately taking over, before she frowned even more and asked, "How did you…get _burned_?"

"I…he…"

"Was it that Lord Cain bastard?" Will asked. Merlin just nodded. "How does he…why…anyway?"

"You don't want to know," Merlin said. "Really, you don't."

His mother just let a single tear fall free, but quickly wiped it away and set about to take over applying the ointment over Merlin's injuries, while Merlin would just touch them with slightly glowing fingers to get that helpful bit of magic.

Will sat down on Merlin's other side. "Listen, Merlin…thank you, for the money. Angus and Coleen are grateful, too, and wish you well."

"I'm still pissed off at you for telling them about this, by the way," Merlin said.

"At least he didn't say a word about the magic," his mother tisked.

"I'm _not_ going to rat him out, Hunith!" Will said. "Come on, Merlin's my best friend – I'd never do that to him."

Merlin just took another deep breath, and said, "Thanks, Will."

"No problem."

Merlin shut his eyes, after that, dropping his face and letting his hair cover his eyes. He wondered if he should tell them that Lord Cain could do magic, too, then decided against it. That would only make them worry all the more.

Very soon, his torso was done, and his mother sighed as she looked towards his legs, before simply handing the jar towards Will and slipping off behind the curtain, with a shaky, "Good night, boys."

"Good night, Mother."

"Good night, Hunith."

Smiling at her, Merlin waited until her breathing evened out, before turning to Will, who held up the clay jar. "Ready?"

Merlin sighed and nodded, pulling on his shirt – he wanted at least _some_ illusion of a shred of dignity – and pulled off his trousers, until he was nude from the waist down, again, and lay down, legs somewhat spread, as Will started treating him there, like his mother had just done.

"I _can_ do this myself, you know," Merlin said, though keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the ceiling.

"I know," Will said. "But…you're doing all this so the rest of us don't have to. I have to do something to make up for it."

"Just keep remembering to bring me some of that beer from your dad's old still and we'll call it even," Merlin said, jokingly.

"I have a few bottles ready, right now," Will said. "After this, I'll go bring some – I think we could both use it."

Surprised, Merlin propped himself up to look at Will. "What happened to me 'having too much'?"

"With what you're doing every night, I think you deserve at least _some_, even if you shouldn't have too much," Will said, hesitating a moment as he got closer and closer to Merlin's groin, but kept going, anyway.

At first, this sort of thing had been awkward, but experience and practice quickly led to it being much easier between the two of them. They'd seen in each other in the skin all their lives, but caring for each other, or at least Will caring for Merlin, like this…

"Thanks," Merlin said, with a smile, before laying back down.

They stayed silent while Will treated his front, but when Merlin had to turn over, putting his forehead in his folded arms, and Will hissed at the sight of Merlin's bum, conversation resumed, and in a far more painful direction.

"These bruises are brutal," Will said. "They're almost as bad as the ones on your wrists."

"I know," Merlin said. "Just put on the ointment and let's get this over with."

"Right…but seriously, these burns…"

"Lord Cain is a very perverted bastard – let's just leave it at that, please?"

"_How_, Merlin?" Will asked, pausing for a moment as he looked over these analytically. "I mean, I know you told me about the candle wax and all, but…these almost look like…well, definitely not candle wax, or candle burns…they almost look like…fire pokers!"

Merlin took in a shaky breath. "_Leave_ it, Will."

"Merlin-"

"I said leave it."

Even as Will started rubbing in the healing paste again, he asked desperately, "Is that man using iron pokers or something on you?"

"No."

"Then how-"

"He's magic, all right?" Merlin said, looking up from the safety and shelter of his folded arms. "I…when you're magic, and strong enough, and someone else is also magically strong enough, you can feel it. He felt that I was magic, and I him. He pays me extra to let him use magic on me, all right?"

There was silence, before Will said, "So he's like you?"

Turning back to rest his chin on his folded arms, he said, "I don't know. I was born this way – I don't know if he just studied it or was born like this, as well, or what. But he does know what he's doing."

"I know you're powerful, Merlin," Will said. "Probably more than him, right?"

"Yea," Merlin said. This, at least, was true. "But, he still at least knows what he's doing. And besides…like I said, he…pays me."

A few more pauses, before Will said, "You'd been doing more tricks since you started this…"

Merlin swallowed. This was the other reason he didn't want to tell Will or his mother that Lord Cain was a sorcerer, no matter how small or large his magic: they'd put things together, and likely come out with the right conclusion.

"Is money the only thing he's paying you in?"

"Yes-"

"Don't lie to me, Merlin!" Will cried out, though very quietly. Merlin hissed as Will pressed down on his calves harshly, and the pressure let up. "I'm sorry, but please, Merlin…what's he…"

Merlin shut his eyes, again, his soul in pain, before opened them and said, "Just a few tricks…mostly fire stuff – he seems particularly good with that element – and they're really small. He shows me something new every time. Part of our little…deal."

"What deal?"

"He teaches me these things if I…let him…carry out some of his…well, more…stranger perversions."

"You mean the more painful ones?" Will asked.

Merlin shut his eyes and kept them shut, this time. "Yes."

More silence, as Will finished up and said, "You can add your magic touch, now."

Nodding, Merlin sat up and spread some magic over his injuries, not healing on its own in the slightest, but making the balm work faster. When he was done, he pulled on some new trousers, again, planning to mend the soiled ones later.

"Are you really that desperate to learn magic?" Will asked, as he put away the healing ointment.

"Yes," Merlin said. "You…I…I've been wanting to learn, all my life. I know I could do so much, if only I knew how."

Will sighed. "Just…I'll be right back."

Merlin nodded, sighing in relief at the idea of sweet oblivion coming soon, in the form of ale from Will's old still. Though far from smooth, it saved his sanity, at least in little bits at a time, and it was probably the _only_ thing truly going a long way towards helping him keep his wits about him.

Behind the curtain, Hunith cried silent tears at hearing the truth about her boy.

* * *

Merlin groaned, the next morning, or rather, afternoon, his head pounding as he slowly opened his eyes.

Will had apparently covered him with a blanket and gone home…oh, wait – it was the late afternoon, now, almost evening. Damn.

Sighing, Merlin slowly pushed himself up, before his mother gently pushed him back down.

"No," she said. "Rest."

"Mother, I-"

"Merlin, please," she said. "I heard you and Will talking, last night."

He looked at her carefully, his face falling, before he said, "It's all right-"

"No," she said. "It's…it's not."

She paused, as she brought him some water, and bread, bought with the very money Merlin 'earned' last night.

As he slowly ate what little he could – his disgust after a night of working like this, along with the hangover, meant not much – he could see she was thinking deeply about something.

"Your uncle," she said. "Gaius – the one who sent me the recipe for this healing ointment…you know it – he's the court physician in Camelot. For King Uther, himself."

Merlin slowly nodded.

"He also…he's not even remotely powerful, certainly nowhere near you…and it's mostly healing magic that he needs herbs and potions to do, anyway, but…he can do some magic, too."

Merlin's eyes widened as he stared at his mother in shock. "He…really?"

She nodded. "He will know _some_ things he can teach you…or at least know what to do with you, where to send you."

"Wait…" Merlin said. "You want…to…send me to Camelot?"

"To Gaius, yes," she said. "I…you're doing all this, and nearly killing yourself in the process. For what? A few shillings-"

"-hardly just a few-"

"-and some simple magic," she said. "I'm supposed to look after you, and I can't even do that! I…I just…I can't let you do this, anymore, Merlin. I just can't."

Merlin swallowed. "Mother-"

"I will be fine," she said. "I know about the money you hid with magic, in the corner. And Will and the others…the money will last, for us, until the new crop comes in. And it has been raining plentifully, and it should continue…we will be much better off, this year. But I can't let you keep hurting yourself."

He leaned his head into her lap, as he did as a child, and said, "All right."

She sighed in relief at his little amount of struggle. But really, he was being selfish – he just wanted to get away from all this.

"Go to sleep, now, Merlin," she said. "I expect after all that work and ale, last night, you need it."

"I've already slept the day away."

"Oh, stop being so noble," she said. "You deserve some sleep. And you need it."

He almost put up a fight, but she was right, as most mothers usually were – his eyes were drooping as she spoke, and he just nodded and drifted off.

For a while, Hunith continued to just sit there and watch her baby, before gently laying his head back down, and washing away the bowl and cup, looking up only when she realized just how dark it was.

Lighting the fire, and then a candle, she grabbed what little supplies she had, and quickly set about to penning a letter.

_Dear Gaius…_

* * *

**A/N:**** And the rest…is history. Or at least, it's TV Show material. :D Don't worry, this is just the prologue – it's not even close to over.**


	2. Court Politics and Jungle Law

**A/N:**** Yes, I'm a terrible updater. Sorry!** Please enjoy this chapter and remember not to kill the helpless little author.

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"Merlin!"

"Mm?" Merlin groaned, blinking as he brought his head up from where they'd rested on his folded arms. He'd fallen asleep at the table while waiting for Arthur, again.

"Oh, good," Arthur said, congenially. "You're not dead."

Merlin rolled his eyes and got up. "Sorry about that…I take it practice was good?"

Arthur was sweaty, but smiling – which, considering his combat practice was just with Morgana, was strange in and of itself. But Merlin wasn't about to complain about that.

"Yes, actually," Arthur said. "Now, you have my bath ready?"

"Yea," Merlin said, gesturing towards the tub in the smaller chamber, before moving to help Arthur out of his armor and clothes.

"And dinner?" Arthur asked, even more tersely.

"_Yes_. Now arms up!"

Arthur regarded Merlin carefully, for a moment, before nodding and holding out his arms in his usual position, waiting for Merlin, who quickly complied with the unspoken command, until Arthur was completely naked, and walking towards the tub.

Merlin, of course, was right behind him with the soap and washrag, and silently marveled to himself that he knew of plenty of women – and even quite a few men – who would pay in their _limbs_ to see Arthur as Merlin was seeing right now. Hell, Merlin, himself, while hating most of his duties, often felt that the personal views he got of Arthur's incredibly handsome body _almost_ made the job worth it. Almost.

Hm…maybe he could arrange for a hole in the wall and start charging people to peep through…

"I should've come sooner," Arthur grumbled, dipping his fingers into the now-cool water. "Damnit."

Merlin just rolled his eyes as Arthur slipped into the tub. He'd almost heated it up again, a lie about pots and large kettles on his lips, until he saw Arthur throwing knives at a moving cart, from the window.

He'd decided against heating up the water with magic. Let the bastard stew.

While some nobles had their servants bathe them, along with everything else, Merlin counted himself extremely lucky that Arthur didn't trust him – or anyone, really – enough to allow that. Merlin simply handed him the soap and cloth, and headed out into the main chambers to tidy up the room a bit and set aside the clothes that he would have to carry to the laundry later, and went about magically polishing the armor.

He turned when he heard splashes, and had a dry cloth ready for Arthur as soon as he stepped out.

The rest was easy, until Arthur was dressed and Merlin was taking the dinner tray from the young, new servant, and setting it down in front of Arthur, taking the small plate designated for him and sitting across from the prince.

Merlin wasn't stupid enough to attempt conversation with the prat until at least half the food is gone. But when it is…

"How's the new knight?" he asked.

"Bizarre," Arthur said. "Get my jacket, the green one. He couldn't hold a sword for twice his weight in gold, but he moves with a knife as if it were a part of him."

Merlin snorted to himself as he shuffled through Arthur's wardrobe, having finally figured out how the damn thing was organized. "So, will he be a front rider, middle, or back?"

"Definitely back," Arthur said as Merlin opened the wardrobe doors. "And have the blue cloak sent for a wash – I need to be present for Father's announcement, tomorrow night."

"I heard about that. What's this I hear about a visiting lord?" Merlin asked. He'd heard it in passing while grabbing a new bar of soap from the servants' quarters, below. Unfortunately, he'd been in too much of a rush to ask for anything more.

He would _really_ like to know, now – because, quite frankly, visiting nobility always seemed to be bad luck for Arthur.

…That, and it always meant more chores for all the servants, including himself.

"Some lord who owns an almost ridiculous amount of land on the border between Camelot, Mercia, Northumbria, and even touches close to East Anglia…Not to mention, that gives him control of a rather handy oceanic trading route, close to Kent, and in turn, the Gauls. Officially, he's under Northumbria's rule. Unofficially, he's been a great ally of Camelot for quite some time, but otherwise operating under his own terms. Apparently, he's considering becoming king of his land, starting his own, small kingdom."

"So…why's he visiting?" Merlin asked.

"That small a kingdom wouldn't last long, if it all," Arthur said, giving Merlin a look that said it should've been obvious to him. "He would, at the very least, have to ally with one of us, and ultimately would end up under our rule, again. We might as well make sure it happens to be us."

Hm…that sounded familiar, actually. If Merlin remembered correctly, this wasn't too far from Ealdor. Shit, what if this lord had even been a client of his?

Well…it wasn't like they went through too much trouble to remember whores' faces outside of the tavern. And apart from running into a few of the local lords every now and then, he rarely saw clients outside of the tavern – and an even smaller fraction of them recognized Merlin.

Outwardly, Merlin nodded, not caring too much, but at least now knowing what kind of increase in chore level to expect: a large one. Even Merlin could figure out that a large piece of land bordering multiple kingdoms would be very strategic, which means Uther would go through incredibly great lengths to politically woo the man.

Which, of course, meant there would be a ridiculously larger chore load for the servants.

Ah, well – Merlin was used to it. By this point, half the time he prepared for visiting nobles without even learning their name until they actually came. Amazing how much a servant can do in a castle and how little they can know in the process.

He distinctly remembered a particular incident when he knew everything about a young noblewoman, ranging from her favorite foods to _just_ how she liked her bed turned down…everything, except her name.

That had turned out awkward. Very awkward.

Arthur, oddly enough, looked rather pleased with the idea of this lord visiting. Merlin could take a few guesses.

"Hoping he'll bring along some pretty daughter of his?" Merlin asked, dryly, finishing up the last of his bread. While most of Camelot had a few beliefs they liked to keep about the nobles, especially the royalty, and their 'purity' and the likes, Merlin knew better. For one thing, it was hard for him to miss the occasional one-off sneaking out of Arthur's rooms when he brought breakfast in, or Arthur coming back from their rooms.

Not to mention, most of the other servants didn't miss it, either – and they talked. Even the noblewomen were far from pure. (Gwen knew this for certain about Morgana – as far as Merlin knew, Gwen was rather a part of it.)

"No," Arthur said, returning the tone. "He's young…very young, apparently…not much older than us, only a decade off or so…"

Merlin quirked an eyebrow, having a bit more detailed knowledge about Arthur's 'romantic' exploits than most. "Shall I start stocking up on Gaius's old massage oils in your nightstand, then?"

Arthur threw a small chicken bone at him. "No need to be so _crass_, Merlin…though it may not be a bad idea…"

"Do you need me to cover for you, again?" Merlin asked, as he started gathering the dishes, after picking up the bone. "I need to know if I should start walking around with an old coat on me just so's to protect my clothes if I get sent to the stocks, again-"

"Oh, grow up!" Arthur said, though smiling slyly. Merlin just rolled his eyes, balancing the plates, and mentally started trying to calculate just how much he could charge people to watch Arthur _shagging_ through a peephole.

Lady Eurys had often paid Merlin quite a bit for her to just sit back and watch him fucking a barmaid, so Merlin couldn't help but feel there was a potentially large profit to be made from this. If he didn't have this stupid honor keeping him from actually _doing_ it…

"Anything else?"

"Yes – that oil," Arthur said with a smirk.

Okay, maybe that aforementioned honor could be persuaded to turn a blind eye to a magically created peephole in the wall. Maybe the honor and dignity would be willing to take a day of leave for the sake of this endeavor.

Used to this banter by now, Merlin asked simply, "Do you want smooth oil or tingling oil?"

Arthur blinked in surprise. "_What_?!"

Merlin continued on, as if blithely, "Because I can do some very creative things with these sorts of substances, especially oils, and it's hard to mix the two but I suppose I can try…I could even add in something along the lines of a muscle relaxant, and I _know_ how that'd be useful-"

"How the hell do you know all this?" Arthur asked, sizing up Merlin yet again.

Merlin grinned again as he walked out the doors. "I have my ways."

"I'll bet," was the last thing he heard Arthur say before the door shut behind him.

* * *

Merlin was right about the chore load.

He hadn't been there for the formal announcement held a few days later – he rarely ever was – but soon enough, he was being called upon desperately by servants around the castle who knew of his free time, and suddenly, Merlin had almost double his usual chore load.

Even the normal inhabitants of the castle, royals and nobles and others alike, were aware of this, some, if not most, asking for just a touch less of their usual services from the servants.

Morgana was one of them.

Arthur was not.

"…and make sure my clothes are fully pressed – I don't care _how_ you do it, I really don't – when I get back, and have a bath ready, too. You don't have to be here by then, just make sure it's all laid out."

Merlin sighed as he finished with Arthur's bed, and said, "I can heat up water, but I can't really keep it warm for _that_ long."

Arthur just nodded. "I suppose I expected as much. Just get it as hot as you can – maybe it will at least be not freezing."

Merlin nodded again, before scooping up the dirty sheets as he prepared to leave.

Smiling, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small vial of dark, amber-like oil, and tossed it to the bewildered Arthur.

"Relaxes muscles, tingles, and makes everything…_move_…much easier," he said with a smirk, to which Arthur actually _blushed_ slightly, before putting it in the drawer of his nightstand.

Considering how often Arthur humiliated Merlin, Merlin felt justified in taking his very sadistic pleasure at the sight of Arthur's red face.

Served the bastard right.

"Where the _hell_ did you even get it?"

"Took a massage oil Gaius sometimes sells on the side, added my own secret touch to it," Merlin said, with a slight grin. "I should really take the batches he can't use and start modifying them for sale…it's not like _you_ pay me much."

Arthur gave him an odd look. "Again, I ask – how do you know-"

Merlin shook his head, and walked out and down to the laundry.

Dropping off the sheets, Merlin dashed back to his rooms, to find Gwen already there, a rag and small bowl of milk waiting and a smile on her face.

Thankful for Gaius's absence, Merlin and Gwen quickly slipped to his room, and over to the basket just by Merlin's bed, with a small pup inside.

Merlin had been out practicing turning himself into different animals – he'd _finally_ figured out how metamorph with his clothes still on – when he, in a large snake form, had nearly eaten this poor wolf cub. Rather obviously a runt, the mother had apparently abandoned it in favor of her stronger cubs.

"Have you figured out what kind of dog it is, yet?" Gwen asked, as she started nursing the pup, cooing over him.

He had, but he doubted she'd actually _like_ the breed, so he wasn't going to tell her just yet. "No." After all, it would be rather difficult to explain that he'd been practicing turning into animals, and had run across this wolf cub purely by chance.

Not to mention, even if Gwen knew the truth, he wouldn't really want to explain that he took pity on the runt because he'd nearly _eaten_.

"What's that?" Merlin asked, hinting towards the jar of milk and the rag.

"Goat's milk," Gwen said, both of them sitting by the little basket. "Morgana uses it whenever she steals the hunting dogs' runts and nurses them back to health. On that note, I told her about the pup – she'll keep it quiet."

Merlin laughed. "I don't doubt it."

Gwen just smiled, dipping the corner of the rag into the milk, before handing it to Merlin. "Come on, then."

Rolling his eyes, the warlock set to work, while also expanding his own mind's empathic capacity.

Contrary to children's fancies, animals couldn't talk. But they could think in a primitive way, like thinking of meat and feeling want or hunger, or remembering a mate-challenger and feeling anger.

Merlin found with a combination of communicative emotions and mental images, talking to animals was actually incredibly easy.

The wolf cub wanted warmth and a full belly and that was all it understood. So Merlin carefully took the rag-wrapped bundle into his lap and fed the poor thing, while Gwen rearranged the basket for the pup's comfort.

"Have you come up with a name, yet?" Gwen asked.

"Either Tundra, or Cafall," Merlin said. "Or maybe Storm, for the grey fur?"

Gwen rolled her eyes. "You're as bad as Morgana. I fear she may have become a bad influence on you, Merlin."

"Yes," he said, wryly, ripping the rag in the milk. "Rescuing small, hapless animals and nursing them back to health. How disastrous."

Gwen giggled, though she tried to hide it out of habit, and said, "Just make sure Arthur doesn't find out. You will never hear the end of it."

Later on, he would reflect that he probably should've listened to her.

"Anyway," Gwen said. "Morgana wants to 'borrow' the little one. You know how she is with small animals – she'll nurse it back to health."

Merlin laughed.

"Sure…after we're done feeding him."

"We?"

"_I'm_ done feeding him," Merlin said, exasperated.

"Between you and Morgana, I get the feeling I'll be lucky to _hold_ him," Gwen said.

Merlin just grinned and turned back to the small little creature in his lap. It needed his attention the most.

* * *

"Merlin?" Gaius said the next morning as they sat down for breakfast. "When was the last time we checked your bandages?"

Merlin winced. He _hated_ changing the bandages. Bloody magic fireballs.

"About three days ago."

Gaius gave him a pointed look, and Merlin sighed, but finished his breakfast and moved to his room to obediently sit on his bed. Pulling off his shirt, he held his arms up as Gaius unrolled the bandages, and Merlin looked down at this chest.

The burn mark was actually almost patterned – it rather looked like a Druid Sól tattoo, except in singed skin instead of ink. The skin was a smooth, opaque black, with pink around the edges…and was looking more and more _like_ ink every day.

But, it was still a burn, and most definitely _felt_ like one, too.

"Why's it taking so long?" Merlin muttered. "I normally heal-"

"It's a _magical_ wound, Merlin!" Gaius said, exasperated, as he quickly cleaned the wound.

As Merlin rubbed the lavender oil in – and hoped the poultice would cover the smell, knowing just how much Arthur could use it to tease Merlin if he caught a whiff – Merlin said, "This pattern almost looks like it was on purpose."

"You were hit by a ball of _fire_, Merlin," Gaius said. "I suspect that the tattoos you sometimes see on this are based on balls of fire – which the sun can sometimes appear to be, if you ask me. Now, arms up."

Merlin nodded and waited as the comfrey and beavertail poultice was applied, then wrapped his bandages, himself, as Gaius said, "And your magic? I would not be surprised if there was a specific intent to this 'ball of fire.'"

"It feels good, actually," Merlin said. "Like more powerful or something."

Gaius frowned. "More…powerful? You hadn't mentioned that before."

"I didn't notice it, before," Merlin said, honestly.

Gaius frowned, again, before saying, "Did you two have a lot of bloody wounds at the time?"

Merlin frowned. "Er…no. Why?"

"So you two couldn't have possibly traded blood on accident?" Gaius asked.

Slightly alarmed, Merlin shook his head. "No…why?"

Gaius sighed. "I will have to read through some more tomes before I can make heads or tails of this, then."

Merlin frowned. "Gaius, what's-"

"I'll inform you when I figure it out!" Gaius said. "Now go – I understand you're helping prepare Lord Lindsey's chambers?"

Lord Lindsey…why did that sound familiar?

Damn, Merlin was really starting to dread this. It would be the first time in his time in Camelot that someone could potentially recognize him.

All of a sudden, he was _really_ glad he was a servant…

…which was _really_ saying something, considering-

_Lindsey_.

Oh, shit.

"Gaius," Merlin asked, keeping his voice as neutral as possible. "It's Lord _Cain_ Lindsey, right?"

"…did you forget the noble visitor's name again? It's bad form, Merlin!"

"Is it?"

"Yes! Now go, go!"

Merlin nodded numbly as he left.

Shit. This was not good.

-

"_These bruises are brutal," Will said. "They're almost as bad as the ones on your wrists."_

"_I know," Merlin said. "Just put on the ointment and let's get this over with."_

"_Right…but seriously, these burns…"_

"_Lord Cain is a very perverted bastard – let's just leave it at that, please?"_

"_How, Merlin?" Will asked, pausing for a moment as he looked over these analytically. "I mean, I know you told me about the candle wax and all, but…these almost look like…well, definitely not candle wax, or candle burns…they almost look like…fire pokers!"_

_Merlin took in a shaky breath. "Leave it, Will."_

"_Merlin-"_

"_I said leave it."_

_Even as Will started rubbing in the healing paste again, he asked desperately, "Is that man using iron pokers or something on you?"_

"_No."_

"_Then how-"_

"_He's magic, all right?" Merlin said. "He pays me extra to hurt me."_

-

This was _really_ not good.

* * *

A small fox ran almost blindly through the forest, little feet pounding through the leaves as it tried to work off the immense restlessness that prompted this escapade in the first place.

Coming back to a rock he's already passed, Merlin returned human, again, breathing heavily, and as soon as his thoughts strayed towards undesirable directions

-_Cain's going to be in Camelot_-

-he changed shapes yet again, this time to a snake, despite the chilly air, and slid along the ground towards the small boulder along the way. He got on top of it and looked around, returning to his human form, only vaguely glancing at the slope behind him, for the most part focusing on the forest in front of him. His breathing was still heavy and ragged as he took the sights in, doing his best to focus on a plant or a tree and reaching out with his magic and his mind to connect with it, if only just long enough to keep his own mind occupied.

The universe was conspiring against him. Just when everything had started to settle down, to work in his favor – this had to happen.

It was bloody why he had _left_ Ealdor in the first place.

"Damnit," Merlin muttered out loud, before promptly turning into a cat, curling into a little ball around the herbs pouch for Gaius, before the cat sighed and turned into a large bird. The hawk grabbed the herb pouch and flew off in the direction of Camelot, and back to its duties, which he now hoped would be plentiful enough to distract him from this nightmare in waiting.

Down below, the man smirked at the hawk, shook his head to himself, and turned back towards where he came from.

* * *

**A/N:**** Guess who the man is. :D****  
**

If anyone is interested at all, lavender oil was used as painkiller for deep-skin burns, comfrey was a sort of catchall herb used on burns, while beavertail has painkilling properties which also have effects that hasten healing. At least, according to medieval doctors, anyway. ^_^ **Also, the 'Druid' tattoo reference is my own sly of hand towards Celtic tattoos.**

Anyway, I'm off to go finish all my summer homework in one day. Should be easy…I have to read a novel, a play, four chapters of the textbook, memorize all fifty American states, their capitals, and all the geology and geography of the North American continent and review all irregular Spanish verbs. _ School hasn't even started yet and I'm already regretting the advanced classes. The only not-advanced class I have is my freakin' drawing class!

**So, while I'm off committing suicide by homework, do be kind and drop a few lines on the chapter, so I have something to look forward to when I'm done? *pouts* Pweeze? Pwetty pweeze? With a honey lathered Merlin and Arthur on top?**


	3. The Scorpion and The Fox

**A/N:**** Chapter title is a reference to the myth of the same name.**

* * *

"Merlin?"

"_Mer_lin?"

"Merlin!"

Merlin's head snapped up to see Arthur standing in the doorway to the armory. "I've tried to call you. Three times!"

"Sorry," Merlin said, indicating vaguely towards the armor. "Had a lot on my mind."

"Ever since the Questing Beast, you've always had a lot on your mind," Arthur said sardonically.

Merlin nodded. "Yea, sorry, just…trying to get everything clean. Cain's coming tomorrow and all, isn't he?"

"Yes, Lord Lindsey – Cain? You know him?"

"_Cain, please, that _hurts_-"_

"_Another gold coin in it for you!"_

"…_it hurts…"_

"_Do you want the extra money or not?"_

"…_y-yes…"_

"_Good. Now…"_

"…_ngh…nughAAH!"_

"_That's it, Merlin…"_

Damnit.

"Um…his estate isn't too far from Ealdor," Merlin said, which was true, actually. "He…he sometimes goes around the local towns and villages. I've seen him around."

"Seen him around?" Arthur asked, curious as he stepped to the weapons wall and started looking through the knives, to send the dull ones off to sharpen. "What was he doing?"

"_Cain?!"_

"_Hello, Merlin…fancy seeing you, out here."_

"_I…I live here. And what're you-"_

"_I heard that some boars were attacking the smaller villages…I didn't know you'd be here."_

"He…he helped around, sometimes," Merlin said. "Got rid of some boars for us, once."

"Where was he when Kanan raided Ealdor?" Arthur asked.

"He wouldn't spare enough manpower to take care of a problem that big, for us. He just helped with small things…"

Arthur shook his head. "Some help he was, then."

"Er…some nobles are just like that, I suppose…" Merlin said, turning back towards Arthur's armor, only keeping his hand on the rag as the magic did the actual work. "Most are, actually…"

"I've noticed," Arthur said, somewhat darkly, shaking his head as he put another knife in his bag of those to be sharpened (though they all already looked sharp enough in Merlin's opinion). "Especially in Northumbria. Cendred cares little for commoners in his kingdom."

"Um…yea, I've noticed that," Merlin said, hoping Arthur would leave soon so Merlin could just spell it all clean and get the rest of his chores done. "Never really helped us with anything, ever."

Arthur nodded, turning back to Merlin. "Do you think he'll recognize you?"

"I doubt it," Merlin said out loud, adding in his head, _And I certainly hope not._

Arthur just turned towards the door. "I shall see you tonight, for dinner. Tomorrow is the welcoming feast – I trust you will be ready, by then?"

"_Elemental magic is a very natural form of magic, but extremely responsive to our emotions."_

"_So how do you control it?"_

"_Simple, __Merlin: focus. Think only of _exactly_ what you want to do with the magic. And most of all, with a stern grip, flow through it. You cannot command nature – only make suggestions."_

"_I just…focus?"_

"_Breathe, think carefully, and focus. That's how you control what you can, __and__manage what you can't. You think, you prepare, and you focus."_

"Yes."

As Arthur left, Merlin breathed a deep sigh of relief as he unclenched his hand, magic already setting to work.

This all was most definitely _not good_.

* * *

Morgana was looking at him strangely.

Not blatantly. Just out of the corner of his eye, he'd catch a strange glance, as she bundled up the basket with the wolf cub in it.

"…and we'll likely have to keep it on milk for quite some time, considering how small it is. Though maybe we can mix in some meat sauces in, soon, depending on how well he does…and have you named him, yet?"

"Either Tundra or Cafall," Merlin muttered.

As Gwen rolled her eyes, Morgana leaned in and asked Merlin, "You know it's a _wolf_, right?"

"…it's still…it's…" Morgana smiled, no weird look at all, this time, and said,

"Don't worry, I won't tell."

Merlin smiled gratefully, and Gwen came over and gently lifted up the basket, Morgana winking at Merlin on their way out.

As they left, Merlin sighed in relief and nearly collapsed on Gaius's workbench, but managed to make it to his room before falling into his bed.

Sighing, he turned and settled in for a quick nap. Between nightmares about the Isle of the Blessed and the dragon yelling in his head when he was asleep, Merlin was always sleep deprived and always exhausted.

This was good for his magic – not only more time to study, but magic seemed easier to absorb when he was in that state between sleep and awake that came easier with exhaustion – but bad for everything else.

With a few flicks of his wrist to close the door and shut the curtains, Merlin fell fast asleep.

* * *

Well, there was one bright side to Cain visiting: as he was a very high lord, Uther was apparently quite interested in pulling the man in, using everything he could, including food. Which meant more good food being prepared, all around. Which meant more good food for Merlin to nick for himself and Gwen when he could.

And that was about it.

It was much harder to get himself any free time in the middle of the day, but right now, he managed. He'd gone through Gaius's list of various herbs rather quickly – using magic to find things really, really helped – and after having left the pack hidden in a tree on the edge of the forest, Merlin promptly changed into a dog and took off through the trees.

Black and slightly shaggy, Merlin still otherwise was basically the species of Arthur's hunting dogs, which've been bred over generations to become the perfect hunters.

Sniffing the air, Merlin turned to the left and started barking madly and chasing a little fox he found, even though he had no plans to actually catch it. After tiring from the chase, Merlin became a deer (with sharp ears out, though Merlin could _feel_ that there wasn't anyone around), and started lapping at the water in the pond, before switching over to a fox, himself, and pondering swimming across the river. Well, there were no vicious, poisonous insects on his back like the stories his mother had told him, and this was a fairly tranquil pond and stream.

Dipping into the water, Merlin changed his mind when he felt how bloody _cold_ it was.

Right, almost winter.

Blinking, Merlin looked up as he felt a tug in his chest. The sun was low – and Merlin did _not_ want to think about how the hell he knew that even when he couldn't actually see the sun for himself.

The fox sighed, and promptly became a hawk – he was getting _good_ at this – and flew back to the tree where he had hidden the bag. Turning human, he grabbed the bag and quickly headed back towards Camelot.

In his haste, he missed the man in the shadows of the trees, watching the procession of magic with a speculative smile on his face.

* * *

The day of the arrival of the procession from Lindsey, Merlin seriously considered wandering over to that creepy, magical lake currently housing Arthur's sword and drowning himself in it. It would certainly save a lot of trouble…

And for some reason, he still found himself in the main hall, standing by Gwen and awaiting the royal family to greet such a high ranking and wealthy lord.

"Are you all right?" Gwen asked, after a moment.

"Hm?" Merlin said, blinking somewhat dazedly as he turned to her.

"Have you gotten _any_ sleep at all, lately?" Gwen asked, frowning. Merlin shook his head truthfully, muttering something about nightmares, and Gwen smiled understandingly. Of all people in the castle, she probably understood the impact of nightmares the best, seeing their effect on Morgana all the time.

The horns trumpeted, and all the servants and nobles in the court immediately stood straighter and pasted warm, receptive smiles on their faces as the doors to the main hall opened.

Merlin had forgotten Cain until now.

One thing his memories often seemed to block out on his behalf was how handsome the man was. He had deep brown hair with a tone to rival that of a bay stallion, with eyes to match, set in a smooth, curved face of unpocked skin. While his figure was not that of a knight's, it was damn close thing, and he knew how to dress to flatter his body.

Money and magic were the reasons Merlin kept going back to Cain. But his body was the reason why it was _easy_.

"Lord Cain," Uther said, pleasantly, nodding in acknowledgement but otherwise using his arms to greet the man. "Welcome to Camelot."

"Thank you, sire," Cain said, bowing before the king. "Camelot is every bit the majestic kingdom as its reputation says."

His voice hadn't changed one bit. Smooth – almost too smooth, but not quite.

Merlin lowered his head a little, letting his hair further shield his face as he slipped a bit behind the other servants, and watched the party play out before him.

"I trust your travels were well?" Uther asked, congenially. Cain smiled back in the same guarded but nice way nobles always smiled in and said,

"They were, your majesty, thank you."

"After a long journey, I suspect you wish to rest before the dinner this evening," Uther said, slightly more imperial. This was the cue for a few servants to appear as Uther said, "We will show you your chambers immediately."

The nobles filed out, chatting pleasantly. The servants soon followed, heading back to their work. Gwen went with the seamstress to repair a dress of Morgana's, Morgana headed off with the steward to do something in the ledgers, and Arthur went with his knights for training as Uther escorted Cain to his chambers.

When Merlin was in the hall, he hid in an alcove and breathed a shuddering sigh of relief. Cain hadn't seen him – disaster avoided, at least for now.

With that in mind, and a few plans for handling it later, Merlin set off after Arthur to be ready when he was done with the training.

* * *

Merlin smiled as he brushed down the horse before him, falling into the relaxing rhythm of doing this particular chore by hand. Start at the spine, press the brush against the horse firmly, and stroke down, the dirt and general grime falling away as the hair was returned to a fairly neat and orderly state.

He fussed over the state of the horse as he pondered the latest magical dilemma. The Cain thing averted for at least the moment, there was still the issue of what Gaius had just told him of, the small band vampires in the forest. So long as they didn't feed off humans, Merlin could easily warn them away before Uther heard of them, but if they started, then he would likely be best just sitting back. Though maybe he should learn all of the magic against vampires just in case…

_Click_

The stable door behind Merlin opened. Rolling his eyes, he turned around to ask the stable-boy what he wanted-

And promptly froze.

Closing and locking the door behind him, Cain turned around, and with a smirk on his face, said, "Hello, Merlin."

* * *

**A/N:**** BWAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Something I probably should've mentioned last chapter:**

Merlin is, in the works of Robert de Boron, well known for his own shape shifting. T.H. White further elaborates on this in The Once and Future King by having Merlin turn Arthur into various animals to teach him about life, which is later used as the basis for the 1963 Disney film _The Sword in the Stone_.

In other words, Merlin being a shapeshifter is one of the very few things that is actually consistent across the legends, and yes, I am _totally_ waiting for that to somehow show up on the show! *diehard Animorphs fan*


	4. Glass Hands and Golden Eyes

**A/N:**** So, anyone out here know Latin? If I botch anything up, let me know.** **Anyway, in case you haven****'****t guessed, this story****'****s going to have a lot of dub-con (at least), so this is the chapter where it starts.**

**Also ****–**** spoilers for Season 2, though I****'****m basically going to pretend some episodes just never happened. You****'****ll figure it out as you go along.**

**Beta'd by the lovely _Jusmine_.  
**

* * *

_**Previously:**_

_The stable door behind Merlin opened. Rolling his eyes, he turned around to ask the stable-boy what he wanted-_

_And promptly froze._

_Closing and locking the door behind him, Cain turned around, and with a smirk on his face, said, __"__Hello, Merlin.__"_

* * *

For a moment, Merlin stared in shock. What the hell-when had Cain seen him? It wasn't… he couldn't…

"Hello," Merlin said, numbly, fingers clenching tightly around the brush in his hands.

Cain tilted his head, looking at Merlin's hand around the brush, before raising his hand towards the brush and muttering, "_Labora_."

His brown eyes flashed gold, and Merlin let go of the brush as it started to groom the horse on its own.

"I know you don't need spells for this, Merlin," Cain said idly. "So I must ask, have you forgotten these so soon? Your magic?"

Swallowing, Merlin reminded himself of all the mind games Cain loved to play and how Merlin used to resist them, and said, "It's relaxing to do by hand."

Cain smiled in amusement as he said, "I'm surprised – magic used to relax you so much."

Merlin just nodded, before grabbing the brush, and pushing his own magic through to override the spell, knowing his eyes would flash gold as he did so.

Cain just raised his chin in speculation, and Merlin turned back to the horse, reminding himself to focus. He knew how much Cain would be focused – his single-minded determination could be alarming, at times.

"What do you want, Cain?" Merlin asked. The best way to beat Cain at these mind games was by blunt force – refusing to play his games, his rules.

"Never one to beat around the bush," Cain said, idly. "Can't you guess?"

"No," Merlin said, flatly, even though he could. "I've never played your stupid mind games before, Cain, and I'm not starting now."

The man sighed. "Of course. Well, it's simple: I want you."

Merlin didn't freeze, this time, just kept working as he said, "No."

"No?" Cain said, somewhat surprised.

"I don't fuck for a coin, anymore," Merlin said. "Or for anything else."

"At all?"

"I get paid well enough as a servant," Merlin continued, eyes still on the horse as he moved towards the flank. "Food, a warm place to sleep – everything."

Cain chuckled from behind him. For a moment, Merlin wondered at the wisdom of turning his back on the man – then figured that considering they were sorcerers and all, it wouldn't matter, anyway.

"Well… money isn't the only thing to bargain with," Cain said.

"What are you thinking of?" Merlin asked, fighting to keep his eyes on the horse – and off Cain.

There was a pause, then, "_Terge_."

The hay started sweeping itself, the dirt started sliding off the walls, the mud backed into its corner, and the dust and muck all swept themselves out under the door.

Merlin blinked as he watched it all happen.

"_Ugh__…__ you leave a mess, you know __that? Here__…_ terge_.__"_

"…_there__'__s a spell for cleaning?__"_

"_Yes __–__ useful, really.__"_

"_Well, obviously__…__ and, thank you. It__'__ll save me some trouble when I go home. My mother worries a bit too much.__"_

"_Your mother has every right to worry. And don__'__t_ you_ worry, Merlin __–__ I have plenty more where that came from.__"_

"Thank you, Cain," Merlin said, icily, grip tightening on the brush. "But I have…I have other ways to learn magic, now."

"Oh?" Cain asked, clearly asking him to elaborate.

"Yes," Merlin said, keeping his eyes firmly on the horse's haunches as he switched brushes and started on the tail. "There are quite a few brothels throughout the city, along with plenty of taverns with payable company. They won't be hard to find-"

"I'm not interesting in some half-penny whore from the city," Cain said, bluntly. "You, I'm interested in."

"It's not mutual, I'm afraid," Merlin said, finally looking at him. Cain had that speculative look on his face that always made Merlin feel like a cross between a piece of meat – which he was, at least back then – and a marvel of nature – which he also was. "And like I said – I don't fuck for money, anymore."

"And at all?" Cain asked, again.

"I'm not celibate, either," Merlin said, truthfully, answering no more as he moved to the bay's other side to start the brushing. "Look, milord-"

"My lord?" Cain asked, amused. "I never took you for being… deferential."

Merlin fought the urge to glare and kept his eyes on his brush. "Lord Cain, there are plenty of others who are perfectly willing to take you to their beds. Prince Arthur, for one."

"Prince Arthur?"

Merlin looked up at him. "I'm his manservant."

Cain raised an eyebrow, surprised and amused. Damn man was never rattled by anything. "The prince's manservant? Well, well, well – you've moved up in the world."

Merlin smiled sarcastically before going back to the calming motions of brushing the horse. "Well – if the Prince is interested in you, you can imagine how the rest of the castle is, if you forget the city."

Cain sighed. "And are any of them magic?"

"You never know," Merlin offered.

"That's not the point," Cain said, eyes suddenly burning into him. Merlin swallowed, freezing for only a moment, before turning his eyes to his hand, brushing the horse. He felt Cain's magic tugging at it, but kept a firm grip on it. "I want you."

"Have you gone deaf in the last year and a half?" he asked, trying desperately to focus on the brushing. He's been around Arthur to get a bit about personal politics, and _seeming_ fearless can be just as powerful as actually _being_ fearless. "I just said-"

"Does the Prince know about your magic?"

This time, Merlin did freeze, staring at his brush.

"I'm going to take that as a… no," Cain said.

Merlin swallowed, and slowly looked up. Looking at Cain, he wondered if this was how a mouse felt to be cornered by a cat.

Oh, great, now he'd never be able to turn into a mouse.

"The prince and I…" Merlin cleared his throat, but Cain just laughed.

"And the king?" he asked. "You know whose word he will take first."

"When it comes to magic, Uther doesn't see rank," Merlin said. "I could reveal you just as easily."

"Ah, yes, he may have me imprisoned immediately… but I am a powerful lord of another kingdom – he would at least have to… investigate."

And Merlin could guess what would happen. "You'd really frame me?"

Cain's slow grin was his answer.

Merlin took a deep breath, then spat, "_Áthierre_," at his brush, releasing his grip on it as he turned to Cain and crossed his arms, doing his best to remain strong as the stable continued on cleaning itself. Looking Cain in the eye, he asked, "What do you want?"

Cain stepped forward, then again, and Merlin swallowed and leaned back, though he congratulated himself on not actually stepping back. And suddenly, Cain was right before him, around him, his chest pressed flush against Merlin's, their hips pressed together, his hands on Merlin's arms.

Leaning, he tilted his head and said into Merlin's ear, "Guess."

Merlin shut his eyes.

"My chambers. Midnight at the latest, once you are done serving the prince."

"…he sometimes has me stay the night," Merlin said, softly. "In the antechamber."

"Then tomorrow," Cain said silkily. "Come on, now, it will be fun – like old times. Remember?"

Merlin _did_ remember.

"_Ah__…__aah__…__AAH!__"_

He remembered excruciating experiences.

"_Cain __–__ it__'__s too tight! Please!__"_

He remembered being bound to Cain's bed by rope, shackle, and magic alike.

"_WHY?__"_

He remembered being carved into, branded, for Cain's strange, sadistic, possessive pleasures.

"…_it hurts__…"_

He remembered crying at times, and remembered being unable to walk without magic for days at a time afterward.

"…_p-please__…"_

And sometimes being unable to walk even with magic.

"_Shh, Merlin__…"_

But as Cain reached up and stroked Merlin's hair, he also remembered the soothing times he had with this man.

"_Mm__…__mm, Cain, do that again!__"_

The times where Cain would focus all on him, leaving him wanton and begging on his bed.

"_Can you show me that?__"_

He remembered watching in awe as he would learn simple and stupid but, nonetheless, heartwarming tricks and spells from Cain.

"_Look what I did! Look!__"_

He remembered what it felt like not to be alone.

"I'll…" Merlin swallowed, turned, and pressed his lips against Cain's ear. "I'll be there."

* * *

"…Merlin?"

Merlin looked up distractedly. "Hm?"

Gwen rolled her eyes as she and Merlin carried their respective masters' laundry down to the laundry chambers in the bowels of the castle.

"You seem rather…distracted," she said, smiling.

Merlin nodded, giving her his best smile. He knew it would work – he'd had to practice a bunch after recent events. The Questing Beast. Sigan. Aredian. Freya…

He had a lot of practice faking his happiness. And it worked, too.

"Yeah, sorry…Gaius just loading some extra reading on me is all," Merlin said.

"Oh," Gwen said, before shaking her head. "Anyway… did you know that pup you and Morgana took in is a wolf?"

Merlin ducked his head, blushing furiously, while Gwen laughed, winking at Merlin as they entered the laundry room. "Don't worry – I won't tell."

Smiling, Merlin said, "Thanks," as he handed off Arthur's sheets and clothes, before jogging up the castle's many staircases towards Morgana's room.

"Come in!" her voice rang out as she nodded.

Her face fell into an unsettled, speculative look when she saw him, but was quickly schooled into polite happiness as she said, "Merlin!"

"How's the pup?" he asked.

Morgana smiled in the way Merlin knew would be a grin if she weren't such a high noble, and getting up, beckoned him towards the space behind the screen where he and Mordred had hid once before.

There, the little wolf pup was sleeping soundly in the basket. He grew quite fast, and now took up a third of the basket.

"Morgana," Merlin said. "I have too much to do, tonight – look after the little fellow another night? Please?"

Now she really _did_ grin. "Oh, please, Merlin – you don't have to ask, you know I'd love to! Is Arthur being more childish than usual?"

Merlin almost said, _yes_, but then shook his head and just said, "I'd just put off a bunch of reading Gaius wanted me to have done by tomorrow."

Morgana shook her head.

"Well – good luck, to you. I'll look after him. And – do you mind if we name him Cafall? I just…really like that name."

It was Merlin's turn to grin at her. "Me too."

After a few more pleasantries, most of them concerning the pup – Cafall – Merlin left. Left her rooms, left the castle, left Camelot city.

He mentally prepared himself as he headed for the forest, heading quickly to deal with those errant vampires.

* * *

"Remember what I said, Beyla!" Merlin said, as he stepped away from the shadowy safety of the cave and into the sunlight, as he waved to the vampire clan leader.

Fulla, Beyla's adventurous daughter, braved the sunlight and ran out to hug Merlin, as Beyla laughed and said, "Thank _you_, Merlin Emrys – the warning is well appreciated."

By his waist, Fulla grinned at him. Beyla ran out and ushered her back into the cave before her young skin burned in the sunlight. Then she turned to Merlin.

"And you – you will head back to Camelot?"

Merlin nodded, and Beyla shook her head. "What for? You will be killed there!"

_Or worse,_ Merlin thought, while also thinking, _Arthur_.

"I'll be fine," Merlin said easily. Really, his lying skills had grown tremendously since he was just another little farm boy. It rather disturbed him, actually. "I have a few things worth… worth living in Camelot for."

Beyla smiled. "Good luck."

"You'd better get back inside," Merlin said, jerking to the skin of her arm already reddening under the sun. Not much longer and it would be smoking. "And – you too. Get out of Camelot."

Merlin left a few minutes after, soaring as a falcon through the trees, before landing in 'his' clearing, and returning to his human form.

For a moment, he crouched there, hands on the earth, simply _feeling_ it, breathing the feeling of life in and out, smiling, before standing up, listening carefully in the distance for any sign of people, then outright grinning at the thought of practicing magic.

He summoned his herb pouch from within the hollow of 'his' tree with magic, just because he could, sparing a glance to triple check he had everything Gaius asked for, before tossing it aside and throwing his hands out to his sides in concentration.

The air around his feet started to swirl, faster and faster, into a stream of air. It died down quickly, and Merlin smiled. Easiest one down.

_No words,_ he told himself as he cupped his hands together before him. _Just water_.

It took a few moments, but soon, Merlin could see condensation in his hands, then it was a pool of water in his palms, dripping out the gap, but floating around him instead of falling into the ground.

And slowly, more water formed, until Merlin was pouring it into the ring by his feet, smiling at the river of floating water rushing in a circle around him.

After a few more moments, Merlin banished it, watching it disperse into a small fog, a fine mist, then into nothing.

"Two down, two to go," Merlin muttered to himself.

He resisted the urge to say _baerne_ as he cupped his hands again, and simply smiled as the flames slowly appeared, small and flickering, but it strengthened, to that of a torch's fire, powered purely by Merlin's will and raw magic alone, no spell, no enchantment, nothing.

Grinning, Merlin slowly increased it, channeling it outward, and soon, he was in a circle of light and heat.

With a cheeky smile from him, it was gone in a sizzling flash.

"Be nice to me," Merlin muttered, as he held his hands open over the ground.

It was just a few specks of dirt, at first, leaping up, but soon, entire chunks of grass from the circle around him were flying up, and within a few blinks, Merlin had a 'moat' of dirt around him in the sea of grass… which didn't technically make much sense, but Merlin didn't care.

The grass was whirling, faster and faster, into a ring of a blur around him, green on top and brown on bottom.

He shut his eyes as he slowed its circling, and rather than just setting it down, he willed it to return to its original state.

When he opened his eyes, he might as well have not done anything to the ground at all.

"All down!" Merlin cheered to himself, swaying in a mini dance as he summoned his herb pack.

For a moment, he glanced around the clearing curiously, ignoring the feeling he was being watched – there were a variety of woodland animals around and Merlin could probably feel them at this rate – and wondered at the fact that this was the fourth time he'd done this…and still no connection to any element. They were all equally easy for him to master, and none seemed to tug at his heart or his magic in any particular away that was apart from the others.

He sighed, shaking his head in bemusement. Maybe next week.

For now, he shifted into his falcon form – and he _still_ loved the irony of being a merlin, he always would – and grabbed the pack in his claws and flew off towards Camelot.

* * *

On a ridge well above the clearing, the man watching crouched down low, only his eyes above the ridge's edge as he watched the sorcerer work his way through the four elements of supporting life.

The boy summoned his pack – and still with magic, the thing flew through the air towards him! – and looked around somewhat curiously…

Did he know he was being watched?

The boy sighed, shaking his head to himself, and the man watching was fairly sure the boy was still oblivious, thinking about his magic, perhaps. Planning something, maybe? What would he plot, though – the boy seemed more interested in _playing_ with his magic rather than trying to truly utilize it as a weapon.

Stupid, that.

As the sorcerer turned into a falcon, the man watching ducked back under the ridge, tucking himself into the shadows as the bird flew away.

Merlin… turning into a merlin. Of course.

Shaking his head and sighing in a way that _did not_ sound like the boy's at all, he leapt up and ran back towards the castle.

* * *

Merlin winced in sympathy as Sarah screamed with the arrival of another contraction through the door, and knocked on it firmly enough to be heard once the screams faded back into the chatter of Gaius and the two midwives and several friends and family.

A doula opened the door disdainfully, though brightened when she saw Merlin. "Do you have-"

"Here," Merlin said, holding up the pouch of various medicines.

"Merlin!" Gaius yelled out, hearing him. "Come in."

He looked hesitantly at the doula, who sighed and stepped back. "If you're going to be the physician, one day…"

Merlin smiled at her shyly and stepped into the domain of birthing and women, to be immediately confronted with a relieved looking Gaius.

"What's going on?" Merlin asked as he handed off the bag to one of the two midwives, who immediately fished out a medicine and started infusing it with something of her own for the laboring mother-to-be.

"We are not sure," Gaius said, somewhat morosely. "The contractions are happening normally, but the baby refuses to come out. We may have to manually reposition the child soon, or it may be a breech birth…"

"A what now?" Merlin asked, looking towards the generally direction of the poor woman, who sat sweating and panting in the birthing chair, skirts rucked up, with a blanket covering her for modesty.

"A birth where the feet come first instead of the head," Gaius said, shaking his head. "Not the best of ways for either mother or child, in my experience."

Merlin nodded dully, wincing as the woman screamed again. The entire castle bowels probably heard it.

He was so glad he wasn't a woman.

The other midwife who wasn't trying to give Sarah the infusion sighed, wiping sweat off her brow. "The baby can't seem to decide whether or not to enter this world."

Merlin frowned as he studied the large belly currently housing the baby.

Except his magic was telling him it wasn't 'a baby.'

For a moment, Merlin felt sheer panic as he realized – he knew exactly how many people were in this room. The three relatives, two servants, a doula, two midwives, the birthing woman, himself, the physician… and two souls waiting to emerge. He could feel them all, each a chord vibrating with individual strength against his soul.

It felt far too close like the experience of being possessed by Sigan for his comfort.

"Merlin?" Gaius asked, noticing Merlin becoming distressed. Or rather, frozen in distress. Or something like that.

He froze as all of this rushed on him, because it should be new, new, new, but it wasn't.

"Leave him," the first midwife yelled. "He simply can't handle the agony of birth. Weak boy, just like the rest."

It had been there… not all along. But he could feel the two souls (not one, but two) flickering and blinking, and he realized that his constant headache he'd been since the Isle of the Blessed was this. But everyone he'd been around has already been alive. These two were… were…

"Merlin?" Gaius asked one last time, before turning back to the whimpering woman.

In. Out. In. Out.

"Gaius," he said hoarsely.

"One moment, Merlin," Gaius said, as he turned to say something to the midwife.

"Gaius!" Merlin hissed, tugging him back.

Now the second midwife glared at him, before turning to assist the other women with the lavender infusions.

"What is it, Merlin?" Gaius asked. "If you are nervous, say as much, and we can save your learning for another time-"

"It's twins," Merlin breathed out, quietly.

Gaius frowned. "What?"

"Twins," Merlin repeated. "And they are positioned wrong, but it's because they're both trying to… to come out, at once, I think, or something like that, but there isn't one, but two-"

"The midwives would have known as much by now, Merlin," Gaius said. "They-"

"One of the two twins is smaller, weaker," Merlin said in a rush, reaching out for the two new souls, not quite formed, not quite unalive, waiting and waiting and waiting-

"How do you know this?" Gaius asked quietly.

Merlin turned wide and terrified eyes on Gaius.

"I don't know," he admitted, shaking his head slowly. "I… my magic… it's telling me… one of them wants to leave. The other wants to stay. But they both need to leave now… or both need to stay. Or something. I don't know! It doesn't… it doesn't make any sense."

Gaius gave Merlin a speculative look, before his look became mournful and long suffering, and he shut his eyes a moment to gather himself as the woman started screaming again, before they opened with comforting firmness in them. "Merlin… reach out with your mind… look for the child… children."

Merlin frowned at Gaius, but swallowed and nodded, concentrating on the far wall for a moment as his magic reached out, in the same way it did when he needed to do something and didn't know the spell, when it was just him and no sigils or Old Tongue directing it, like he was a child again-

And there.

He gasped and stepped back, taking the magic with him.

One of the souls was blinkering out. He could feel everyone on him, in him, like a thumb against his cheek, but on his soul, instead, and this tiny little one was growing weaker, the pressure lessening, slowly slipping again.

"You have to help them, Gaius, fast," Merlin begged quietly, ignoring the glares of the doula and Sarah's sisters and mother and the second midwife, the first one busy with Sarah herself.

"What did you see, Merlin?" Gaius asked. "Or feel?"

"Twins," Merlin repeated, fighting the urge to collapse onto the ground right now and curl up, Cain and Cafall and the clearing and this all overloading his ability to handle it all at once. This day was too much. "You and them and the mother and the doula and the children and one of them is dying, Gaius."

Gaius nodded and turned back. "Agatha," he said to the first midwife. "I suspect it might be twins – we must reposition them, ourselves."

Both of the women looked doubtful, but Sarah sobbed in pain again, and the two midwives shared a few looks and nodded.

They were all rather surprised about an hour later, when it turned out Merlin was right.

Twins.

Both of them survived birth.

But Merlin could only pray that both survived past that… but, feeling their health, their souls, vibrating in time with his own… he couldn't help but believe that both surviving would be unlikely at best.

* * *

"Congratulations, Merlin," Gaius said softly as they entered into their chambers, his voice sounding like the one he used for sick or hurt children in his care.

Merlin nodded dazedly, wishing he could go away, somewhere, maybe the dungeons or something, away from the other prisoners, where there would be no people nearby to feel.

Except he could also feel Cafall. And the plants. And if animals and people felt like this, Merlin wasn't sure he wanted to know how the Dragon would feel. Likely crushing his soul, or perhaps simply smothering it.

"Merlin?"

Merlin turned to look at his mentor, his uncle, and finally opened his mouth to speak, only to ask, "What's happening to me, Gaius?"

"…remember, what I said… on the Isle, righter after you killed Nimueh?" Gaius asked. "About the power of life and death?"

Even though that had been several months, almost a year ago, Merlin slowly nodded. It was hard to forget – when every instance of strong magic used against him made the burn on his chest reopen, keeping him from healing until only now, remembering things like this was easy.

"What you felt, today, was life."

"But…how come I haven't…well, I have, felt it, since then, but how could I not…?" Merlin collapsed on the workbench.

This day was just too much.

"Because all the people you have been around, before, were alive already. They were a constant."

"I've been around people dying," Merlin said. "How come I didn't feel it then? And how come only _now_?"

"Because this power is only just maturing within you. I suspect a simple onslaught of need would be enough to cause this. Your power has a tendency of growing less in training and more in distress. This is a volatile power, and I believe the recent stress of chasing after Arthur after the fiasco with the love potions is what triggered it."

Well. Cain, Cafall, and a woman in labor. That sounded distressing enough, without anything else to add in.

"Is there any way to stop it?" Merlin asked, sorting the herbs he'd collected earlier into their appropriate pots and jars. "Wait!"

He looked up at his mentor in a panic. "You said power over life and death – if this was a life I just felt-"

"-death will likely soon come after," Gaius finished, nodding.

Merlin keened and collapsed onto the bench. "But… life was… it was already terrifying enough!"

Gaius sat beside him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder, and Merlin leaned into Gaius's comforting form.

"Start researching," Gaius offered softly. "Through your books and all of mine – anything about controlling this kind of power. Perhaps you can get it into grips soon enough to avoid the feeling of death."

Merlin swallowed. "Think I'll actually find anything?"

"…I make no promises, Merlin," Gaius said simply. "I just hope for the best… but I expect the worst, too."

Merlin just nodded into Gaius's shoulder.

* * *

_Knock-knock_

Merlin swallowed as his knuckles lowered, and Cain called out, "Announce yourself!"

"Merlin," he said, somewhat softly, hating that his voice still wavered, feeling yet again like he had years ago, when Cain simply sent a message to the tavern keeper who sent Merlin along. He remembered being led by nervous servants through darkened hallways of Cain's castle, usually blindfolded, and having his sight return only to see Cain already waiting for him.

This was too familiar.

"Come in, come in!"

Merlin obliged.

He wasn't quite sure what to expect in this new situation. Cain was standing by his table, a pitcher of wine and two iron wrought goblets waiting on the table, along with a pile of sand.

Merlin shut the door behind him, waiting for some kind of cue from Cain, who ended up just gesturing at Merlin to sit down opposite of him at the table.

"Do you remember this, Merlin?" he asked, touching a finger to the little pile of sand and lifting up, a trail of sand following him into the air.

Merlin kept silent.

Cain sighed, shaking his head.

Under his hands, he shaped the sand into a vague goblet shape, and with a few whispered words and a look of intense concentration, a sphere of flames erupted from his hands to enclose the sandy shape.

It grew closer and closer to the goblet, the flames turning brown, purple, blue with heat, and after that it grew bright, and Merlin squinted, somewhat, as Cain worked on his preferred art.

After several moments, the flames died down, and he saw Cain call on water and air, and before long, he was holding up a goblet identical to the iron one on the table – except the material was glass.

He inspected it, looking for errors, before smiling and nodding, satisfied.

Filling it with wine and handing it to Merlin, he poured more wine into his iron goblet and said cheerfully, "To your good health," before raising it sharply in the air in a mock-toast and drinking up.

Merlin did much the same, except he said nothing, before taking a few sips, as well. He wasn't worried about Cain putting something in the drink – it wasn't the man's style, and he was drinking the same wine, anyway – but he did know that he had to have a clear head tomorrow morning.

"So!" Cain said, as he poured himself another goblet. Merlin noted that the pitcher was much emptier than just the few goblets between them would have him believe. "How have you been, since we last saw each other?"

"…well…" Merlin said.

"Come now, Merlin! Surely you have more to say than that? A sorcerer in Uther's court, surely your life must have some adventure in it? Not to mention, I have heard the rumors, like everyone else, of Prince Arthur's misfortune with magic – with you as his servant, I'm sure I have heard not even half the story. I want to hear it all."

After Merlin had a full goblet of wine, and another half with it, he relented.

He carefully, blankly, laid out the order of events that happened to him since he left Ealdor and Northumbria behind.

The Mary/Helen thing was easy, along with the Valiant, the two incidents with Nimueh, and the griffin. With Edwin, he slid over the parts about Gaius and his magic, and quickly sped past how he killed Edwin and saved Uther. The fiasco that was Sophia was easy, though Merlin decided it was best not to mention that he still had the Sidhe staff, and he mentioned mostly in passing about helping a little Druid boy escape, leaving out Arthur and Morgana.

"I have found this intriguing," Cain said. "Druids seem to be trickling back, lately."

He left out Excalibur all together, simply speeding past this story, as well, and hoping Cain believed him when he said the wraith had apparently only seeked to duel Uther, not kill him.

"I was never a knight," Cain said. "Always more of an archer than a swordsman. But I can understand Tristan well. I hope he rests in peace, now."

"So do I!"

Cain was rather surprised when Merlin told the story of Kanan and going back to Ealdor, especially as none of this had reached his ears.

"To be fair," Merlin said. "We were a very private village – why my mother went there in the first place."

Merlin explained the unicorn, though he only said simply that Arthur completed the three tasks, deciding not to elaborate. He brought up Tauren, but left out Morgana's involvement with the king's near-assassination, only stating that he killed the other men and Morgana killed Tauren himself.

"Do you know what happened to that stone?" Cain asked.

Merlin shook his head strongly. "And I don't want to know – even when it was being used in the lower city while I was asleep, its one use woke me here in the castle! I don't want that kind of power."

"Are you so sure?" he asked. "It could be quite useful – a stone that powerful would have more uses than just making gold with magic."

"I'm sure," Merlin assured. "Wherever it's hidden, I hope he hid it well."

When Merlin mentioned the Questing Beast, even Cain looked surprised. "How in heaven and hell is Arthur alive?"

"I… I went to the Isle of the Blessed, to offer my life in for Arthur's. Nimueh was there, and tried to mess things up. Long story short, I killed her, which the Old Religion seemed to think was close enough, as you can see Arthur alive and well today."

As Cain shook his head, and gestured to continue, Merlin felt his gut coil as he realized how eager he was to talk and explain and just _say_ everything that happened to him, even if he was revealing only half the story.

After that, Merlin explained the entire debacle with Sigan. "Oh, you poor boy," Cain said, hand moving as if he planned to stroke Merlin's head, but aborting at the last second.

Merlin could at least admit to himself that it disappointed him.

"I had a spell from one of the books, and I added some of my own words in the Old Tongue, and it worked," Merlin said. He had left out the Dragon in all this, too.

"Still – it must have been harrowing to have another soul in your own," Cain said empathically. Merlin nodded vigorously.

"I… I nearly caved in," Merlin said, lowly. He hadn't even admitted this much to Gaius.

"I'm glad you didn't," Cain said, simply, lifting up his goblet in acknowledgement.

Merlin sighed. "Yeah…" He briefly mentioned Hengist's capture of Gwen and him and Arthur running off to save her, though he knew Cain was mostly interested in the magical bits, so he went past that and went straight into the explanation of the troll.

"I'd heard about that," Cain said. "Uther's famous for having let a troll into his court. Though everyone also knows he was enchanted. Still…"

"Yeah," Merlin said. "It's true. Troll had almost everyone fooled."

"…by almost…" Cain raised an eyebrow, and Merlin sighed and nodded.

"I figured something was off early on. Said she was a troll – no one believed me, obviously. I tried break down her spell, but in the end, she managed to keep it up."

"I'm not surprised," Cain said, softly, cocking his head in a way which Merlin refused to fine gorgeous. "Troll magic is powerful."

"Yeah, well… she framed me for stealing to try and get me out of Camelot, but I managed to stay. Managed to break her spell on Uther in the end, fixed everything."

"Excellent," Cain said.

Merlin paused, then briefly, with a word of caution on magic in general – because, well, after all, if Cain was captured for magic, he'd out Merlin, right? Right. – Merlin explained about the smoke pony and Aredian.

"Nasty people, witchhunters," Cain said, with a shudder. "Especially the ones that actually know what they're doing!"

Merlin nodded. He only briefly mentioned 'the Bastet,' but ultimately just ended it with Arthur killing 'it.'

Freya was his and his, alone.

He explained with the most recent events just before Cain came here, the disaster that was Lady Vivienne.

"Have you figured out who the sorcerer was, yet?" Cain asked.

"Unfortunately, no," Merlin said.

"…likely someone from Alined's delegation," Cain said. "I've heard he is favorable towards magic."

Merlin just shrugged. "Eh – bad plans, but the magic itself wasn't too bad, so I left it alone. I just managed to… I got a cure for the love potion, and left it at that."

Cain smiled. "You've learned much since we last saw each other."

"…thanks," Merlin said, before sighing. "Listen, I have to be somewhere tomorrow, so can we just get to the bed, get this over with, and get me out of here? Please?"

Cain shook his head, but did not speak, instead beckoning Merlin over with a finger.

He wanted to turn around and walk out, but instead, he stepped forward to stand in front of Cain. "There's no reason we can't both enjoy it, Merlin."

_Easy for you to say._

He stood up and gently wrapped his large hands around Merlin's waist. He was a few inches shorter than Merlin, only slightly less in height than Arthur, but like Arthur, he had the muscle to make up for it.

And in this case, magic – they both knew that Merlin was more powerful, but they also both knew that even after nearly two years, Cain still outmatched Merlin in knowledge of magic, even if not by much, anymore.

Besides which, the strongest power in the room was that Cain held Merlin's secret in his hands. And while Merlin held Cain's, as well, they also both knew who Uther would believe if it came down to little more than their words.

"Oh, how I have missed you, Merlin," Cain said, which shocked Merlin into frozen silence – which may have been the man's intention, as a moment later, when Cain kissed him, Merlin was too shocked to respond.

Merlin stayed that way, not wanting to encourage Cain too much. But, he had forgotten one small thing – Cain knew him, and he knew him well.

He started rubbing his thumbs in slow, firm circles across Merlin's abdomen, and Merlin tried to push away, but the man's grip remained tight.

His ministrations went down Merlin's hips, towards his groin, and Merlin wanted to resist, he really did, but too many memories of doing otherwise, too much power in Cain's hands over Merlin, _on_ Merlin, and the fact that Cain was the first sorcerer Merlin had ever met that hadn't tried to kill him or Arthur, hadn't tried to hurt Arthur, and it was too much, all too much.

With a severe sense of replay in his motions, Merlin opened his mouth in response, his tongue twining with Cain's as his hands hesitantly went up to Cain's waist, the two men embracing each other, and Cain pulling Merlin close to him.

And perhaps Merlin pulling, too, though he couldn't say, and didn't want to.

Cain dragged him to the bed, and whispered something indecipherable against Merlin's jaw, and Merlin gasped as he found himself suddenly naked – well how come he'd never seen _this_ spell before? – and could only react as Cain fell into the bed with Merlin on top of him.

Merlin wasn't surprised that Cain was hard.

What was surprising was that he was, as well.

Damn.

"Missed you," Cain murmured again, and Merlin wondered why the man would miss a whore like him, but didn't question it – so long as the man was happy, his secret was safe. "Want you…"

…and this was getting disturbing. But in the business Merlin had once lived in, disturbing was the norm, so he was probably just out of practice.

He made himself languid and pliant, letting Cain arrange him to his liking.

His head snapped up, though, when a whispered spell resulted in Merlin being bound to the bed. His eyes blew open as he tugged against the fibrous ropes binding him to the bed.

When he was younger, this had never boded well.

"Relax, Merlin," Cain said, smiling congenially as he sat astride Merlin, straddling him and pinning Merlin down with his legs. "Things are different, now, remember?"

Shakily, doubtfully, Merlin nodded.

He'd see.

Cain murmured something, and a little jar flew into his hand from the open trunk by the door.

"Remember this?" Cain asked, dribbling some on his fingers. The oil was a murky-bluish color, and Merlin remembered it vividly, just as the first few drops landed on his cock.

He breathed in sharply, biting his lip as the tingling sensation brought him to full mast. He arched off the bed as the burning pleasure ran through his spine, and he cried out as the ropes pulled and burned sharply against his skin, digging into his wrist with enough force to make Merlin land back on the bed, tears nearly in his eyes, already knowing what the bruises would look like, tomorrow.

There was a reason he'd favored such large and covering clothing, and unfortunately, that was going to come into use right now.

Cain swatted at Merlin's thigh beneath his own. "Stay still."

Hazily, Merlin nodded, laying back and trying not to writhe as Cain continued to rub that oil all over Merlin's cock, teasing him and squeezing Merlin when Merlin looked close to coming.

Fucking tease…

Merlin let his sigh of relief be heard during a brief respite, shutting his eyes as he tried to get his bearings, bring himself under control.

But this was Cain.

It had always been about losing control, which Merlin remembered all too well as he opened his eyes to see Cain's right above his, bracing himself on one hand by Merlin's shoulder, his other hand back by his arse, probably stretching himself quite a bit.

"I remember how you like this," Cain whispered silkily into Merlin's ear, as he eased himself right onto Merlin. "I remember how you like someone else taking control. Someone else taking… _responsibility_… for you… how you liked someone else there to keep the reins on your magic when you couldn't…_ oh_, yes, Merlin, I remember exactly how you liked it…"

As Merlin arched on the bed, his wrists already bruised from tugging on the restraints, when Cain settled himself fully, their thighs pressing together again as his body enveloped Merlin in that warm, wet heat, and Merlin couldn't help but agree.

_And that, sir, is the problem._

Cain was slow, teasing, prolonging his own pleasure by pushing up and dropping back in a haphazard rhythm, slow sometimes and faster others. Merlin, meanwhile, threw his head back and shut his eyes, relying on feel, on the feeling of Cain's arse around his prick, of Cain's hands under his back, of Cain's arms by his chest, and of Cain's rope against his wrists as he tugged uselessly at them – even though it was never Cain's face Merlin saw in his eyelids, ever.

He tried, at least.

"Nngh," Was Merlin's only verbal response to Cain's taunting.

He hated how much he enjoyed this. But with Cain leaning down and laving his tongue over Merlin's neck while evening out the higher-speed of his thrusting, Merlin knew denying that at this point would be useless, so instead he thrust himself up into Cain's next drop, the skin-on-skin _smack_ resounding in Merlin's ears.

"_Ooooh_," Cain moaned out at Merlin thrusting into him. "Eager, aren't we?" Merlin could feel the smug grin against the skin of his shoulder.

"I have to wake up early, tomorrow," Merlin said, flatly. "I need to get this over with _now_."

Cain rolled his eyes, but nodded pleasantly, slamming onto Merlin sharply in retribution, causing Merlin to keen highly at that.

"Are you sure, Merlin?" Cain asked. His thrusting slowed enough for him to balance on one hand and reach up with the other to tangle in Merlin's hair and direct his gaze back to the lord. "You are still keeping your magic so close to you, Merlin… release it… you know you can…"

"We both… both have our limits, C-Cain," Merlin stuttered around Cain's rough rhythm. "I prefer to keep my… to myself…" He couldn't even say magic, at this point.

Cain mouthed his eyes across Merlin's collarbone, up his neck, and over his jaw, ending at Merlin's mouth. Responding mostly out of habitual instinct, Merlin kissed back, closing his eyes to do so.

There was a reason he developed this habit, though…

Merlin opened his eyes to see Cain doing much the same – but his eyes were flashing gold, and in time with another thrust from Cain, this made Merlin gasp.

"I've got you, Merlin, I have you, you know I do…" Cain murmured, his hand wrapping around Merlin's neck.

Merlin _did_ know.

_No!_ He mentally revolted, even as Cain's hand tightened around his throat.

But, he did nothing about it.

Letting defiance pour into his expression, Merlin pulled on Cain one more time with his hips, arching his back as the man came from Merlin's aggressiveness just as much as his own, his hand tightening painfully.

Still, Merlin used nothing that he could have to loosen Cain's grip.

And just as he was reaching his breaking point, just as he was about to pass out and possibly _die_ due to the control he just gave this man, Cain let go.

The rush of air into Merlin's lungs, the sharp burn and his blood rushing was too much-

He sobbed as he came.

* * *

It was with shaking hands that Merlin dressed himself right by Cain's bed a little later, the lord himself lying languidly on the bed, watching Merlin with obvious interest.

This reminded Merlin too much of his youth (and really? He was old enough to say 'youth,' now?).

"Merlin," Cain said, catching Merlin's wrist as Merlin turned to leave. "When will I next see you?"

"I don't know," Merlin said. "The Prince is a busy man, which makes me even busier."

A dark look passed over Cain's face. "So the prince, owns you, then?"

"No one owns me," Merlin retorted, turning on his heel, shooting back, "No matter what all the money you gave me said, you never owned me."

"No – just rented," Cain agreed. Merlin stiffened as he listened to Cain talking about Merlin like a like… like a… like something that _could_ be owned… but he did not stop or slow his gait to the door for one step.

"Have a good evening, milord," Merlin said, bowing his head respectfully before stepping out.

Merlin made it a whole two floors down before he slipped into one of the oriels that was protected by a tapestry and likely forgotten by all but the cleaning servants.

He was gasping harshly as he leaned against the wall, and collapsed to the ground sobbing, as he felt horror and relief and nostalgia all flood him at once. And longing.

Longing for the man who'd just hurt him.

Merlin knew it was just the magic. He knew it was just the old feelings of finally, finally, _finally_ knowing another sorcerer coming to light. He knew it was relief at the way he could finally unload himself on someone else and have them understand, truly feel, what he was going through. He knew it was just his mind betraying him.

That did not make the loneliness any less painful, nor the shame and guilt any less difficult to bear.

It felt like hours, and may have very well been, before Merlin's sobs receded to dry trembling as he stared out over the city, peaceful in its slumber this late at night, the dawn not too far away at all.

He gathered up what was left of his wits, and turned his back on the city and slipped out of the oriel and back to his chambers.

Tomorrow was going to be a long day, he was sure of it.

* * *

**A/N:**** Bet you weren****'****t expecting Merlin to be the top while being coerced like this, were ya? ;)**

**I****'****m sorry, but perpetual!bottom!Merlin, especially in whump** **fics, has been bugging me in the fandom as of late, and I thought it would be fun to reverse the typical ****'****rape trauma****'**** pattern and see what happens.**

**Dig? Not Dig? Comments are love and loved, either way.**

**Latin Spells:**

_Terge_ = **clean**, imperative singular

_Aperi_ = **open**, imperative singular

**Old English Spells:**

_Áthierre_ = **clean**_**,**_ imperative singular

And, as usual for those who ask, the spells on the show are in Old English, and on my profile there is a link to a post on my LiveJournal on how to best translate Old English to make your own spells.


End file.
